There's No Life After You
by naughtsandcrosses
Summary: Have you ever had the feeling where you had something that made you happy, and seconds later it's taken away from you? I know the feeling. Eli two-shot. Give it a read! Complete!
1. There's No Life After You

Hello my people! I am super sorry for never updating anymore! The promos have really gotten to my head and I'm having a few doubts about my stories… so I thought this short story would help my non-updating. This is a small two-shot. I'm thinking about whether or not to write a two-shot entirely in Clare's POV. This is _Drop the World _and _Love Game_ based.

**WARNING: **Yes, this is very depressing. The italics are flashbacks.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or _Life After You_ by Daughtry

So um… review?

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><p><em>I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after.<br>After the life we've been through.  
>Cause I know there's no life after you<em>

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><p><em>There's No Life After You ~ Eli's POV<em>

Have you ever had the feeling where you had something that made you happy, and seconds later it's taken away from you? I know the feeling.

Life had lost all general purpose for me. Clare had left. I sat there with needles and tubes stuck to my body in the hospital, watching her bouncy curly hair fly out of my life. My head was still pounding from my crash. My pain meds started to kick in and suddenly I felt a pang of grief. I wouldn't go home smiling because of my wonderful girlfriend. Instead, I'd go back to my old ways, pining over someone I had lost. Except this time, my girlfriend didn't die – she was still alive and well. I would have to face her one of these days. Just thinking about seeing her and not being able to hold her, to kiss her, or be with her like before brought tears to my eyes.

Clare Edwards had officially broken my heart.

But the feeling of being unable to chase her made it even more difficult. These goddamn machines strapped to me kept me from chasing Clare down the hall and grab her wrist gently like I always do. But no – I had to sit here and watch her walk away. She took my heart with her. The loss of warmth at my side made it even more apparent that I was truly alone. Even with my father clutching my shoulder from making a sudden movement to strip the machines attached to my broken body, I felt alone.

My mind drifted to what I come have done that could have pushed Clare away. Did I really come off as suffocating? The thought of Clare being afraid of me simply terrified me. I know I was intense, but I surely had my reasons! Fitz needed to back off of Clare and I; we didn't want him around! He was trying to brainwash my Clare's mind into thinking I'm some atheistic monster!

Although Fitz was one of my main reasons, I tried so hard to hide the fact that I was scared of the coming season.

Spring was approaching.

_Spring_; a word in everyone's dictionary as the time of year when all the ice melts and the birds start singing. I used to love spring. Besides fall, it was my favorite season. It was the start of a new beginning, after the cold, harsh Toronto winters, life would start coming back. The trees would grow leaves again, and it started to get warmer.

Now? I hate spring. Even saying I hate spring is an understatement.

I _despise _spring.

It's the my favorite time of year that in two simple seconds, not enough time to sneeze, became my least favorite thing in the world. Two things had been taken away from me in this fucking season. Why did I deserve this?

I know I'm fucked up. I've gotten past the point of denying it and I want to get help. But how did I get this messed up and I not notice it for this long?

One word, and one word only, is the reason why I don't drink and drive, I heavily dislike bikes, and makes me chase after my girl after she walks away.

Julia.

My thoughts drifted to that painful night. Two years ago to the day. Where had the time gone? I was 15 and stupid. I thought our relationship would last forever.

Julia and I had fought that night, rather harshly. Recently she had really bad mood swings, and she got sick a lot. I started connecting the dots and I confronted Julia about it.

"_Jules, are you pregnant?" I asked. We were cuddling on the couch watching a movie. Julia shifted in my arms and looked up at me. _

"_Why the sudden interrogation?" she answered annoyed. _

"_Because, Julia, you've been having weird mood swings and I know you've been getting sick! I'm starting to connect the dots here." I said. _

_Julia reached out and paused the movie. She moved from my arms to sit up, and I sat up with her. We stayed silent. The tension was so thick that I could barely breathe. My mind slowly started weighing the possibilities. _Maybe she's just sick? _I thought. _

"_Eli…" Julia started. She never finished her sentence. My girl broke down in tears and I immediately caught her. I whispered reassuring things in her ear and rubbed her back in circles. _

"_Are you?" I choked out. Julia chewed on her bottom lip, tears streaming down her face. _

"_Yes…" she finally said. I breathed out the breath I didn't know I was holding. I was going to be a father? I'm 15! Barely out of freshman year and now I have to worry about my pregnant girlfriend, and finish high school, and find a good place for us to be? It was all too much. _

"_I hate asking this, but…is it mine?" I asked. I felt so stupid, of course it was mine. There was no way in hell Jul—._

"…_no." Julia whispered. My eyes grew huge and I jumped up from where I was sitting. _

"_Who's is it then!" I screamed. Julia started crying harder and I immediately regretted yelling at her, but I was too pissed off to care. _

"_I-I-I don't k-know." Julia stuttered, obviously shaken by my sudden outburst. _

"_What do you mean, you don't know? You were there weren't you?" I yelled angrily. _

"_Eli…" Julia whispered. _

"_Don't you 'Eli' me! You cheated on me, you whore!" I shouted. _

"_Eli, I…" Julia started but I cut her off. _

"_No! You went and cheated on me and got yourself pregnant, Julia! I gave you everything! You were my first. I was your first! But you just had to go fuck some other testosterone! Was I not enough?" I shouted. Tears started welling up in my eyes and were threatening to spill over. _

"_ELI, I WAS RAPED!" Julia shouted. _

_My jaw dropped to the floor. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I wanted to hold my girl, tell her I'm sorry. _

_I never got the chance. _

_Julia ran out of my house. I watched her take off down the sidewalk and out of sight into the darkness of the Toronto night. _

_I didn't chase after her. I didn't get a chance to tell her I loved her. _

_I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. _

That was the last time I saw Julia. She was hit by a drunk driver and died on contact.

A few days later, while going by Julia's house, I noticed her step mother throwing all Julia's possessions away.

_She threw out notebooks into the trash as if they were diseased. During it all, Penelope had a disgusted look on her face. I stopped in my tracks and ran up to her. _

"_What are you doing!" I shouted. _

"_Throwing that brat's stuff away, what does it look like I'm doing?" Penelope said nonchalantly. _

"_You bitch!" I screamed. "Those are Julia's possessions! You have no right to throw them away like that! Just because she's d-d-dead, doesn't me-e-ean you can throw her things away like that!" I screamed, tears flooding down my face. That's funny; I don't remember starting to cry. _

"_Oh boohoo, it's not like these things have any value anyway! Who wants depressing poems and emo drawings?" Penelope retorted. _

_I glared at her, and grabbed Julia's notebooks from the trash, and ran down the sidewalk. _

Since then, I never threw anything away, hence, why I have my hoarding problem.

I wish I had got help earlier…and maybe things would be different.

Maybe I wouldn't have crashed Morty.

Maybe I wouldn't be in hospital right now.

_Maybe Clare would still be here._

God, she's barely been gone for an hour and I already miss her like she died yesterday. I keep feeling like I'll never see her again, but I know I'll have to face her sooner or later.

What I'd give to have Clare here; to feel her next to me, telling me she loved me.

But I know that won't happen.

The smell of disinfectant and fake caring from the nurses started to give me a headache. I started to feel my eyes getting droopy, and as I closed my eyes, I thought of the blue eyed girl I was so in love with.

I thought of how I missed her, and how stupid I was to let this happen.

I thought of how I needed her right now.

And I thought of how I wanted to change, because I wanted to get Clare back, and next time, there would be no dead ex girlfriend in my way. No hoarding. No Fitz feuds.

Nothing would get in our way.

I will get help. I will do everything I can to get better. Clean up my room, get a new car, fix my problems, and win Clare back.

I needed her so desperately that it was killing me.

There's no life after Clare.

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><p>Therapy was hard. I didn't exactly like the idea of spilling my guts out to some person who asks me personal questions and writes stuff down. But in reality, it was kind of relaxing. I said everything I needed to say, and I felt better.<p>

I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication, and told to take it once a day in the morning. At first it would seem a little weird being so calm all the time; and that was because I was being given a stronger dose at first, but the dose would lessen as time went on. I was a little nervous about taking drugs to fix my problems, but I figured if it helped me, I'll do it.

One thing I was afraid of: facing Clare. From classic common sense I knew that break ups were the easy part, but the post-break up was the hardest part. But, being that I had only been through one other break up before, and that ended in the latter dying, this was a new experience for me.

It was getting easier for me to talk about Julia, and it was getting better day by day. Talking about Clare was different. All our memories were still fresh in my mind – and I just couldn't forget something as good as we had. I missed Clare desperately; it was almost as if a piece of me was missing.

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><p>My outlet was writing, except it wasn't depressing or morbid. It was about relief and love. I felt like a total sap after writing anything because I never saw myself as the type to write about love. Shit – I never thought of myself as the type to fall in love. But hell, I did, twice.<p>

Getting over Julia was one of the hardest things I ever did, not just because I loved her, but because of the fact that she _died._ She no longer existed on this earth. I wouldn't have been forced to see her every day after our break up and try being friends with her again. No, she was just _gone._ And she was pregnant too! Even if the baby wasn't mine, I felt terrible that not just one person died that night. _Two_ did. I knew I shouldn't have said those things to Julia that night, but what was I going to do? Wallow over her death for the rest of my life?

No.

I wasn't going to sit around in my room, piles of junk towering over everything, threatening to swallow me whole in my own self pity. I needed to try my best to put it behind me. I may not forget what happened, hell, I will _never_ forget what happened, but I can't base my life around it and suffer. The past two years have taught me that.

I learned how to let go.

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><p>I could tell my medication was working. Day by day, the junk in my room slowly started to come out. Some things were hard to let go, but in the end, they all made their way in the trash bin. I started to feel like a big load was taken off my shoulders, and I felt better. More than that, I felt relaxed. I almost never got mad anymore, and I used my therapy techniques to calm me down.<p>

But I was hiding behind a mask.

I painted this pretty picture that I was fine; that I was coping with my breakup with Clare, that I didn't miss her, that I didn't love her anymore.

Truth is, I missed her more than anything.

But I didn't want her to see me like a wreck, I didn't want her pity. I didn't want her to feel bad for breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces. I didn't want her to feel obliged to come crawling back to me.

I wanted her to be with me again when I'm ready, when _she's_ ready, when we can both let go of what happened.

**End of chapter**

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><p>Hey guys, I'm really sorry I haven't been updating. I've been really busy getting community hours for high school and I'm just plain exhausted. The promos had affected me SO much, and I just couldn't find any inspiration for writing for awhile. For awhile I'd force myself to sit down and write a little bit a few times a week, but so far I haven't been able to get anything good out. I haven't stopped writing, I've just done a little in each fanfic I have.<p>

The part where Julia was raped, that was just my interpretation of what happened. I didn't want the fight to be something silly, you know? I wanted it to be intense…which it was.

I _did_ write the next chapter of _The Secret Talent _– but I decided it was a little rushed, so I made that finished chapter the third or forth chapter, and I'm working on the chapters in between at the moment.

As for _The Long Lost Goldsworthy_, I have decided to re-write the _entire_ fic, making the chapters so much longer and more detailed, and less short chapters and more long ones. It may take me awhile, but it's a big work in progress. What I may do is re-write the whole thing, and replace all the chapters all at once. I hate doing that to you guys, but let's face it, that story was, and still is, my first work and it needs to be fixed desperately.

_A Part of Me_ has the next chapter in progress. I've been trying to write the next chapters for all of my fics so I finish the next chapters around the same time, so I can update all my fics at the same time. So far it's been working, the next chapter is about half way done. I never submit a chapter anymore if they are less than 6-7 pages (according to Microsoft Word) I do that so I can see where I'm at in the chapter, and I add stuff, add details and such.

Sorry for the long author's note, but that all needed to be said.

Please review, and please state on whether or not I should write a two-shot in Clare's POV considering DTW and Love Game?

Thank you all! Next chapter will be up as soon as possible! Being on recovery kind of helps, my parents are giving me a break for a few days. :)


	2. Whatever It Takes

Hello again! This is where _Love Game_ comes in, but it is from Eli's POV, or what I perceive as his point of view. The only difference is that this is about _Love Game_, but I will be adding some other things. Yes, Eli will be meeting Imogen in this chapter. No, they will not go into a relationship. They will just meet. And I'm sorry if it lacks dialogue, I was trying to conceive Eli's mind as going through a hard time and not paying attention to many things around him.

Again, I'm really sorry I stopped writing; I had a lot going on in real life. I had my community service, and I got surgery done, (nothing major, I'm recovering) and it's just the promos in general. They really got to my head, and I still have faith in EClare, but the new characters, (who I already have a disliking towards both of them, I'll explain why later) made it difficult for me to write again. But I'm fixing that!

**Disclaimer: **Degrassi = NOT MINE, and neither is _Whatever It Takes_ by _Lifehouse_.

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><p><em>I'll do whatever it takes, to turn this around.<br>__I know what's at stake; I know that I've let you down.  
><em>_And if you give me a chance, believe that I can change._

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><p>Chapter Two – <em>Whatever It Takes<em>

There she was.

It was almost like any other day, except that she didn't walk up to my locker and kiss me like every day before.

Nope.

Clare wasn't mine anymore.

I was stuck here pining over her with a casted leg and a cane. I had managed to save the skull on the front of Morty's hood and I put it on the top of the cane.

She was walking with Alli, and she was talking. Her hair bounced as she walked, and there was this angelic glow around her.

She had never looked so beautiful.

Clare stopped in the middle of a sentence when she saw me. Her face flushed and her lips parted in a sigh. _Is she going to talk to me?_ I thought. Clare took one look at me, a look at Alli, who grew even more annoyed, and then Clare walked towards me slowly. Her face didn't light up like it usually did. Her aura surrounding her was as beautiful as ever, but she didn't have that loving color around her as she usually did. That loving color is what brightened up my days; and even as I think back to the first day I met Clare, I remember that loving color.

_Blue_

Always blue.

She started talking to me, and I talked robotically. I put all my walls up and acted calm. I barely heard a thing she said, our close proximity fogging the part of my brain allowing me to hear clearly. My eyes were glued on hers, I never blinked, nor did I want to.

Next thing I knew, she had walked away.

Just like that, my wall of calmness was ripped away. I started feeling shaky, nervous. I used some breathing techniques and became calm again. The halls started getting a little fuzzy after I stared longingly after Clare. It sucks, being in love with someone you can't have. As much as it kills me, I'll do my best to keep my distance. As long as Clare is happy, that's all I care about; even if she's happy without me.

I started back up the stairs and ran into a body. I backed off automatically and muttered an apology. As I turned away, I was grabbed gently by the forearm. I froze, and turned on my heel to see a pair of quirky brown eyes. She was cute, but definitely not as cute as Clare, that's for sure.

"Sorry… Eli, right?" the girl asked.

"Yes…who are you?" I deadpanned.

"Imogen Moreno; pleased to meet you." The girl named Imogen responded, smirking.

I smirked, and said, "Cool, see you around?"

"Guess we'll find out?" Imogen smirked even wider, and walked away. I stood in my tracks, my thoughts running a million miles per hour. I felt something for this girl – Imogen. But I definitely wasn't over Clare. I can't just jump into something head first and expect to land on my feet.

The day sucked, as per usual. I saw Clare _everywhere_. I saw her giggling, and all happy. I kept my emotionless face on and just lived through the day.

As the last bell of the day rang, I took what I needed and took the bus home, but not before I saw Clare get into a shiny red truck. I looked through the back window, and saw her scoot over to the driver, who pecked her on the cheek. Even at a distance I saw her blush.

That used to be _me._ I used to be the one to make Clare blush. I used to be the one to take her home and maybe steal a few kisses along the way.

My insides burned with fire. This fire was foreign to me, but I had no trouble identifying it.

Jealousy.

The jealousy burned a hole in my stomach and my calm mask evaporated once more. I clenched my jaw and fought the urge to punch something.

_Breathe, Eli. Just breathe,_ I thought.

As I arrived home, I said nothing to my mother. I didn't want to see anybody, talk to anybody, anything. I needed to be left alone, and anyone who knew me, knew that I had these moments.

I turned the doorknob on my room – the lock had been discarded when I started therapy – and I took a look around my abode. Piles of junk where being categorized into sections; things to keep, and things to trash.

I picked up the picture frame of me and Clare that I set by my bed. Adam had taken the picture. We were sitting at the edge of a lake, my arm around Clare's waist, and she was kissing me on the cheek. The sun was shining in her auburn hair and I had a smirk on my face. These were the times I especially missed. The times where I'd take Clare out to the middle of nowhere and make something out of anything.

I sighed, and picked up my phone.

Two rings later, a voice picked up, "Hello?"

"Adam! I need to go out. Say, Above the Dot in 20?" I said.

"Sure man, see you there!" Adam answered enthusiastically. I hung up, and took a few deep breaths. I needed to clear my head of what happened today, and think about it.

So, one, I saw Clare, mentally flipped shit, and calmed down.

Two, saw her get into a red truck with some guy who made her blush, and felt so jealous I was ready to punch something.

Three, met a girl named Imogen. She seemed nice enough.

I sighed contently, and picked up my cane, and walked out the door.

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><p>I walked up to the Dot and saw Adam waiting for me. He had his beanie down like he was hiding from the po-po, and he had his hands stuck deep in his pockets.<p>

"Hey man." I said, holding my arm up for a high five. Adam smirked and high fived me back. We made our way up the stairs and into the club. Some cheesy pop music was playing, but I'll deal with it as long as I can play some pool.

I saw Dave, Alli, and Sadie at a table talking, but I walked right past them. I had never had a conversation with Dave or Sadie, and Alli probably hates my guts right now, so it would be best if I kept my distance.

Adam and I played pool, and all of a sudden, I felt an aura.

I know that aura anywhere.

I looked up, and saw Clare, with some guy with sandy brown hair, hazel eyes, and a laid back attitude. This must be the kid who took _my_ Clare home. I felt that jealousy feeling boil inside me once again and I shook my head, shaking the feeling from myself.

I made this killer shot into the left corner socket, and Adam groaned, considering I had won again. I'm good at pool, sue me.

I heard the soft clacking of low heels on the wooden floor of the club, and I saw Clare and that _guy_ on her arm.

"Eli." She started. "This is Jake, he's new here."

"Hi, nice to meet you," I said plainly, smirking and holding out my hand. Jake shook my hand, and I turned slightly, looking at Adam, who just shrugged and set up the billiard balls for our next round.

"So Eli, Jake is in your year, I was wondering if you could show him around?" Clare asked with her hopeful, innocent blue eyes. The blue eyes I melted into.

"I'm not sure if I can, having no car right now and all," I shrugged sadly, glancing at Jake.

"Oh, right…" Clare muttered, turning on her heel and walking away, pulling Jake with her.

The next few minutes went by fast, and I started my game with Adam. I had completely forgotten about the conversation between Clare, Jake, and I. To be honest, I didn't care at this moment. I kept my calm face on. Nodding and smirking when necessary.

Suddenly, I saw Clare march towards me angrily. We exchanged few words, and I turned away. As the music stopped, Clare lost it.

"Did three months mean _nothing?_ Did you flip a switch and erase me from your memory? It took you a year; _A YEAR,_ to get over your ex; DID YOU EVER LOVE ME AT ALL?" Clare screamed, her voice cracking from what I presumed to be tears, or anger. I kept my head turned, but I felt a tear roll down my face. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't! If I tried comforting her now, she would come crawling back, and we're not ready to be together again!

"…and scene!" I heard Jake say.

"No, no, I've got more to say, I'm not finished yet!" I heard Clare struggle, and then there was nothing.

Needless to say, Adam and I never finished our game.

I ran back home as fast as my cane could carry me. As soon as I got into my room, I slammed the door. I threw my cane to the side of the room into a pile of old food wrappers, knocking it over. I'll clean it up later, but right now I didn't care.

I reached up to my unkempt hair and tugged at the roots. I seriously needed a haircut. I plopped down on my bed and stared at the roof in deep thought.

_Why_ did Clare think she meant nothing to me? She meant _everything_ to me. I could never, _ever,_ just forget her, her and her big aquamarine eyes, and her bouncy auburn hair, that would fly all around her when the wind blew. It truly hit me that she was gone. I didn't want her to be gone. I wanted her right next to me sorting things out, like she _promised_ she would.

But she was gone, all because I fucked up.

I missed her, _I needed her,_ but I wasn't ready yet.

I looked at my clock and noticed in was about 11:30. I was just about to roll over and sleep in my skinny jeans when I thought of the greatest idea.

It was brilliant, so brilliant I had to do it now.

All of a sudden I found myself in my mother's flower garden with a pair of scissors. I walked to a white rose bush. It was always my favorite. So innocent and sweet – like Clare.

Even though I knew my mother would kill me, I snipped the perfect budding rose. It was almost completely open but still had a day or two before it opened completely.

I was careful to cut off all the little thorns, pricking myself in the process.

I brought the rose up to my room, and took out a piece of paper. Paper; originally made from a tree, and what I was going to use to spill my heart's contents out.

After writing a short note, I began walking. My mind was reeling faster than I could comprehend, and it made me slightly light headed. I regretted not eating dinner, but I didn't feel like it.

My breath came out in thick puffs as my feet softly thudded against the pavement. There were no sounds in Toronto this evening. It was a first. Usually there was a police siren or something in the distance, but tonight, it was completely silent.

I let my mind drift away, and my feet take me where it was I needed to go. I had the rose in a thin box I found somewhere in the unknown depths of my room.

Suddenly, my feet stopped. My eyes widened to where I was.

Clare's house.

Her upstairs window was still on, which I thought it was a little odd considering it was almost midnight. I couldn't help but smirk at the memories of me sneaking up to her balcony at night so I could be with her. Clare would fall asleep in my arms and never in my life was I ever as peaceful as I was with Clare. She kept me sane, she kept me grounded.

She was my rock.

I sighed, and walked silently on the pathway to the front door. I placed the thin box containing the ivory rose and the note on the front porch.

With no second thoughts, I rang the doorbell. I quickly walked away until I reached the tree under Clare's balcony.

The front door opened, revealing Clare in a thin robe. Her hair was a little messy and she had these cute light blue slippers on. I snapped out of my thoughts and focused on the beauty before my eyes.

Clare opened the box and I saw her gasp. I smirked a little as I watched her open the note. Her eyes widened and she looked around quickly into the blackness. Seeing nothing, I saw her absentmindedly wipe a tear away. My chest hurt knowing I made her cry, and all I wanted was to hold her in my arms and kiss away her tears, but I stayed planted to the spot.

Clare smiled a little bit and wiped another tear. She sniffled, and went back inside. After I heard the door click, the night became silent once again.

I took down the sidewalk once again and walked home.

As I let the Toronto night consume me once again, I felt my face rise in a genuine smile, a true smile, something that hardly ever happens, but when it does, it is truly something special.

_Our three months together meant _everything _to me. I will never forget you as long as I live. You made me a better man. As much as I want to be with you, I want to get better, but even more I want you to be happy. If you need me, I'll always pick up the phone. I love you, Clare. I always have, and always will. _

_Eli_

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><p>Hope you guys liked it! I decided that since <em>Drop the World<em> and _Love Game_ were in Clare's POV already, I would just make a small one shot that is the sequel to this two shot. Sound good?

I haven't completely forgotten about my other stories, they are still in the oven right now. I already have the next 2 chapters of APOM planned out, and I'm almost done with one of those chapters. I've been a bad cookie and have come up with a couple more ideas for stories, and as much as I would like to write them, I need to finish some of these current stories first.

I'm super sorry if it lacked dialogue, I was just trying to show that Eli wasn't paying attention to many things around him and he wasn't acting himself. The part where Clare was screaming at him is the true dialogue from the episode, I made sure to look that up, because it was kind of the climax, so I wanted to get it right.

Okay so... Jake. I don't really like him, but I don't love him. He's a pretty cool character, the low drama profile is interesting, but how long do you think it will last? To me, he comes off as a player, and uses girls as play toys, and I don't like that.

Imogen. She's just... um... one word is lacking, so I'll use a couple. Stalker, manipulative, strange...that pretty much narrows it down. I like her spontaneous side, and I think she's hysterical, but her crazy side is a little much for me. Knowing all that stuff about Eli is not from "common knowledge"... sorry to burst your bubble.

Sorry for the rant...but yeah...

So, please, leave me a review :) Review buttons are standing by to await your click :)


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